Hindsight 2020

November 2020

After assisting the Forsyth County Board of Elections with a few post election tasks, I finally took time to rest and recharge my batteries. Within a few days we learned that Biden won the presidential election by a significant margin, both in popular votes as well as Electoral College votes. Despite false allegations of voter fraud, Biden continued winning again and again as dozens of weak legal challenges were rejected.

Greg and I babysat our 2 year old granddaughter Alex several days. Playing with her was joyful medicine for our souls! However, when we realized son Austin wasn’t being as COVID careful as us, we let him know child care services would be paused indefinitely to avoid risk of possible coronavirus exposure. We felt conflicted though he said he understood, without guilt tripping us.

As COVID cases and deaths continued to increase, Dr. Fauci urged people to stay home for the holidays and to cancel large family gatherings. Some family and friends modified their holiday plans by scaling back, quarantining ahead of time, or eating outside. Others disregarded CDC guidance completely. We heeded Dr. Fauci’s advice.

For Thanksgiving we ordered a Honey Baked Ham online and I picked it up curbside a few days early to avoid crowded lines. At home we prepared a variety of sides and desserts including family favorite recipes of broccoli bread, cornbake, sweet potato casserole, pumpkin pies, and ham and bean soup made with the ham bone. Then we packed up half of our bounty and scheduled contactless delivery to share with Greg’s Aunt Debbie and Uncle John. In exchange, they shared half a pound cake with us. 

December 2020

COVID spiraled out of control with more than 1,000 Americans dead of coronavirus complications each day. Vaccines were announced in early December and vaccinations began a few days later with priority consideration for health care workers, people in nursing homes, and government officials. The vaccine rollout began slowly so we figured it likely would be several months before we would be eligible. 

We hunkered down for the winter, avoiding people as much as possible, and double masking (KN95 plus cloth mask) when we had to go out for food and supplies. We cooked and ate our meals at home, except for a few McRib sandwiches I picked up from McDonalds drive-thru during the limited time they were available. 

For Christmas dinner we prepared enough to share with Greg's Aunt Debbie and son Austin, though we delivered their meals to them (contactless drop off) rather than host a traditional family dinner. 

Our holiday decorations were befitting our scaled down and simple lifestyle: needlepoint stockings, a small table top glass tree that had belonged to Greg’s mom, a tiny mistletoe scented candle, and a mini Elf on a Shelf which Greg and I took turns hiding from each other. I had purchased the elf last year as a gag gift for Greg. This year we finally named him: Fauci. 

Though we made it through the holiday season unscathed, we didn't feel up to celebrating. All things considered, we were just grateful to be alive and relatively healthy. Knock wood. 

  

27 Dec 2020	Cases		Deaths		Recovered
17:32 GMT*	Sun 9/27	Sun 12/27	Sun 9/27	Sun 12/27	Sun 9/27	Sun 12/27
World	33,101,265	80,927,784	999,425	1,768,884	24,452,178	57,117,746
US	7,288,094	19,447,257	209,180	340,146	4,524,383	11,312,108
#1     CA	807,578	2,124,399	15,587	24,218	411,134	825,306
#2     TX	768,869	1,671,790	15,826	27,129	663,408	1,363,469
#3      FL	698,682	1,264,588	14,023	21,135	276,975	719,190
#4     NY	488,970	954,087	33,206	37,232	391,607	469,937
#11   NC	206,090	513,930	3,440	6,526	176,422	403,488
#34    CT	56,587	172,543	4,501	5,791	41,822	51,014

 *Worldometers     Johns Hopkins     https://ncov2019.live/ 

Confirmed cases of COVID-19 doubled again. Nearly every nation on the planet has been impacted while 4 countries (the US, India, Brazil, and Russia) account for roughly half of all cases.

Globally, 4% of closed cases resulted in death. A moment of silence for all the souls we’ve lost to coronavirus, including the first 100 in the US, the first 100,000  and others documented by the Faces of COVID project and the NY Times.

After (Election Day) Math

 
I slept soundly Tuesday night, secure in the knowledge that no matter how each of my fellow Americans had voted, I had done all I could possibly have done in my community to support a fair and honest election process. When I woke up Wednesday morning I turned on the tv to find out where vote counts stood. Several states were too close to call including Alaska, Arizona, Georgia, North Carolina, Nevada, and Pennsylvania. Unfortunately both Florida and Ohio went for Trump which was disappointing. Worst and most surprising news of all: republicans still had control of the senate. Biden had a slight lead in the electoral college though so I remained calm and hopeful as votes continued to be counted. 
 
Greg woke up grumpy, disappointed and angry that Biden hadn’t won in a landslide. I tried to cheer him up by explaining how Biden had multiple paths to 270 electoral votes compared to Trump who had lower odds of winning this time. Greg remained frustrated and skeptical for the time being.
 
After an hour of tv news coverage I was ready to enjoy the day without wasting any more time or energy worrying about election results. Greg continued to check online, repeatedly refreshing his laptop screen every few minutes. Bless his heart.
 
Mid day I received a text message from the temp agency asking if I was available to help the Board of Elections staff with post election audit tasks. After discussing pros and cons with Greg I responded “yes” and asked when they needed me to come in. She said Thursday morning so I continued enjoying my day off. I typed up some blog notes and called son Reid to check in before taking a nap. Later Greg and I ate dinner together and watched a little tv, then went to bed early.
 
If you might be wondering why it takes so long for states to count ballots and certify results, I recommend you sit down with a hot cup of tea or coffee as you read the following…
 
Thursday morning I arrived at the BOE office to see a few other temps summoned to help close out election season. Each of us had been early voting leads and/or election day judges so we had enough knowledge and experience to be helpful with a variety of projects. Our first job was to pre-process roughly 1,500 provisional ballots by entering pertinent information into a database. Some of the ballot envelopes had been filled out incompletely with a cornucopia of small mistakes and missing information which complicated what should have been a straightforward task. To be clear, most of the judges had done everything right; there were only a few that could have been a wee bit better, neater, and easier to read. 
 
A few others worked on different projects along with BOE staffers. IT techs had their own close out checklists to complete. By Friday afternoon it looked like we were slightly ahead of schedule so the director gave some of the temps the weekend off.
 
Saturday Greg and I stopped by Myers Greenhouse to pick up a replacement rosemary plant for our herb garden. (The Salem variety I had planted in the spring did not live through the summer so I picked a healthy looking Arp this time.) Afterward we went grocery shopping together. Later in the day I typed up some blog notes between naps. Sunday I called to check in with my brother Randy, typed a few more notes, and napped a bit more. 
 
Monday morning I helped process write-in votes until it was discovered that some provisional ballots had not been pre-processed as previously thought. Several of us set about to double and triple check envelopes to be sure all were accounted for and entered into the database. Some of us worked late on that project while others worked even later on other tasks.
 
Tuesday I helped with a hand-to-eye ballot count audit for the purpose of verifying the accuracy of our DS200 voting machine tabulators. The State Board of Elections randomly selected 2 locations in Forsyth County (1 early voting site and 1 election day precinct) so there were 18 boxes of ballots for us to count by hand. 16 workers were divided into 4 groups of 4 sitting at tables with plexi dividers between us as a COVID precaution while everyone wore masks and gloves. Deputy director explained the process to us. Sealed boxes were carefully opened one at a time. IT tech oversaw web cameras and microphones so interested citizens could observe from home. Thankfully our only task was to count the number of votes for each presidential candidate; none of the down ballot races. As 1 person in each group called out the votes (Biden, Trump, etc.) another person in the group observed while 2 others kept tallies of the votes for each candidate. When any candidate received 5 votes, “tally” was called out so observers and tallyers could stay in sync more easily. With 4 groups in 1 room counting out loud simultaneously, it was a bit challenging to concentrate on a single count without being distracted by the other 3, though we managed alright. I can only imagine how we looked and sounded to observers watching and listening online. We began counting at 9am and finished by 10:30am, much faster than anticipated. Unfortunately our hand counts differed from the electronic counts by 6 votes so we took a quick break and regrouped to count again. This time we counted more slowly and paid closer attention to how neatly ovals were filled in by voters. If a voter was exceptionally sloppy or used check marks or an X to mark their ballot we flagged it with a post-it note for closer inspection. The second count was better, off by only 4 votes. It was determined that only 3 specific boxes needed to be counted a third time. After my group finished counting our box of ballots we took a late lunch break before resuming processing write-in votes. We learned later in the afternoon that the hand-to-eye count audit was a success with final hand counts matching electronic counts. Huzzah!
 
When the polls officially closed on election day, reports were run on each DS200 ballot tabulator which included a print out of all write-in votes cast that day. Election judges then transferred names to separate forms and tallied all the write-in votes to include with our end of day paperwork. However, this process did not capture write-in votes cast during the 17 day early voting period so we utilized a different process to record those votes. During early voting, every ballot containing a write-in was scanned and images were sorted by precinct. There are 101 precincts in Forsyth County so there were 101 PDFs to scroll through. Audit teams must include a mix of party affiliation (democrat, republican, unaffiliated, etc.) so workers were organized into teams of 3. My team was assigned 25 precincts which took 4 partial days to complete; 4 days of our lives we will never get back. I grumbled a bit while pre-processing provisional ballots though my frustration with low information voters and a few absent minded judges was minimal compared to the disdain I felt toward voters who wasted their votes with joke write-ins. I had no qualms counting legitimate write-in votes for potentially viable candidates in down ballot races. And I didn’t much mind counting conscientious objector votes for long shot presidential candidates like Mitt Romney and Bernie Sanders. Sure I wished more people in NC had voted for Biden than Trump, and wished the third party and write in votes had gone to Biden, but I understood and accepted that not everyone wanted simply to choose between Biden or Trump. However, the voters who wrote in Batman, Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, Donald Duck, Mark Cuban, Ric Flair (Woo!), John Wayne, John Doe, Jeff Bridges aka "The Dude", anyone else, friends or family members wasted their votes. They also wasted valuable time and tax dollars as paid workers were forced to record their ridiculous votes. Like failed stand-up comics, these a-holes were not at all funny. Complicating the task further, PDFs included absentee mail in votes which needed to be processed separately, though we didn’t realize that until after we had tallied several precincts. We carefully corrected those tally sheets before proceeding. Thursday morning when we thought we were finally done, we were then asked to highlight and index votes for specific candidates in competitive races, which we did, no problem.
 
Processing write-in votes was like peeling a rotten onion with each rancid layer revealing yet another underneath. It was definitely my least favorite task by far compared to all others. Still, I felt guilty for complaining because a different team had the unenviable task of processing payroll for 900+ election day workers. Large binders were filled with color coded forms. Pertinent information had to be entered into complicated spreadsheets. Some forms were missing which created delays. Processing instructions changed, complicating matters further. Eventually the deputy director took charge of the project and sorted out issues so the team could finally finish.
 
Another Thursday morning task involved provisional ballots cast by confused voters in incorrect precincts. Votes had to be transferred to proper ballots (163 different ballot styles in Forsyth County) so again we worked in teams of 3 to triple check ourselves for accuracy. The last provisional ballot was processed around noon so we were given a long lunch break before the 2pm board meeting began.
 
My team felt like three amigos working together on several projects. It truly was a pleasure working with them and others in the BOE office, despite long hours and pressure to meet deadlines. After lunch most of the temps went home though a few lingered in case we could be helpful during the board meeting. Initially we weren’t needed so some of us took a quick tour of the basement to see the old brick foundation of the original building. There was standing water in some areas due to heavy rains though boxes of documents were stored on higher shelves, dry and safe. Next project was a curbside voter audit, making sure all curbside voters were correctly noted in the database. Midway through this project we were interrupted and asked to return to the board room.
 
In an adjacent room, the deputy director ran mail in ballot envelopes through a machine to slice them open. It reminded me of a deli meat slicer except louder and faster. Inside the board room, a team of 3 removed ballots from envelopes and flattened them for scanning into a DS200 tabulator. White paper dust from the envelopes collected on the table and also on my clothes, making me look like a sloppy lab tech in a cocaine packaging facility. (No I've never seen cocaine up close; it's just the image that came to mind due to watching too many crime shows and movies.) There weren't a lot of ballots postmarked by November 3 and received by November 12, just a few hundred, so it didn't take long to complete that task. 
 
Back in the office we finished up the curbside project, as much of it as we could do, leaving a few for the director to research. 

After finishing all assigned tasks, I walked to my car with mixed emotions, glad to be done but also sad to be leaving. I would have liked to have continued working in the office longer if they needed me, indefinitely perhaps.

Tuesday Nov 3: Election Day

I woke up around 1:30am and couldn’t go back to sleep, anxious and worried about the day ahead. Arrived at the voting site around 5:45am. Placed the curbside voting signs where they needed to go, then walked inside to help Chris and Betty Jo. Chris didn’t know and couldn’t find passwords so I helped him boot up a laptop and voting machines while Betty Jo made coffee. As workers arrived they found things to do, last minute preparations.
 
Dozens of people were waiting in line to vote when the polls opened at 6:30am. There was a steady line until 8am, then sporadic the rest of the day. A few early bird voters may have waited 30 minutes or more to vote though most waited less than 15 minutes.
 
Eddie stood next to a table stocked with PPE near the entrance, ostensibly to distribute gloves and masks to voters though he mostly just stood there without saying much at first. Mid morning he repaired a broken voting booth so he more than earned his pay. He also proved useful sorting voters into lines based on their last names to facilitate efficient registration check in.
 
Betty Jo and Carol flipped through printed poll books at the registration table while Margaret and I sat at the nearby ballot distribution table. Each voter checked in with Betty Jo or Carol to verify their voter registration information and sign their Authorization to Vote (ATV) form, then I numbered the ATVs sequentially as Margaret distributed ballots. Either of us could have done the job alone but it was nice having a buddy at the table. Margaret was a librarian who seemed to appreciate my OCD inclinations more than most people. Bonus: she was a democrat.
 
Michael, a young democrat and aspiring financial planner, disinfected surfaces and helped escort voters to available voting booths as they opened up. Joe monitored the DS200 ballot scanner tabulator. During a break he told us about his friend who was “watching” a voting a site across town in east Winston, on high alert for voter fraud. Anthony, a retail store manager, handled curbside among other tasks. He never indicated his party affiliation, leading me to believe he’s probably a pretty good poker player.
 
Everyone got along well and covered for each other as we rotated breaks. Joe had bought ginormous tenderloin biscuits from Stratford BBQ in King for our breakfast. For lunch we had chicken salad croissants provided by Betty Jo, homemade vegetable soup made by Carol, and a variety of snacks contributed by others. For dinner Chris ordered 2 small pizzas from Papa John.   
 
When the polls closed at 7:30pm I helped Chris run reports from the DS200 while everyone else pitched in to organize paperwork or pack up equipment and extra supplies. Election day close out was slightly different compared to early voting though not difficult. We finished up around 8:30pm.
 
After driving home I flipped network news channels in search of early election results. Disappointed to see Florida was leaning toward Trump, Greg and I went to bed hoping for better news in the morning.
 

Sunday Nov 1: Rest for the Weary

Dave Chappelle in character as an addict: "Ya'll got any more of them days off?"

 
Saturday night as Greg and I ate dinner together, I felt mostly good. Tired but not exhausted. Glad early voting was finally over. Grateful to have a break before election day. Relieved Tim and Michelle had not called me back to the office to help with additional tasks. I had rehearsed in my mind to politely decline if they called, and it hurt my feelings only a little bit not to have been asked. Slept well thinking the past 17 days had been worth all the blood (paper cuts), sweat, and tears. Tried to prepare emotionally for the possibility Trump might win NC but did not allow myself to think he might take the electoral college again. I did not allow myself to even consider that possibility.
 
Sunday was a full day of rest with the added bonus of an extra hour of sleep due to turning our clocks back an hour to end daylight savings time. Internet service had not yet been restored after the storm so we were limited to watching antenna tv between naps. My brother Randy and I had planned to talk on the phone but neither of us remembered to call the other so we missed our opportunity. Greg’s sister Tonya wanted to chat but Greg and I were both groggy from naps so we postponed until the next day. We picked lettuce and spinach from the garden by lantern light in anticipation of overnight freezing temperatures. Slept through the night peacefully, more or less.
 
Monday began as another day of rest though feelings of anxiety slowly crept in. I worried about election day and what could happen afterward. When I told Tonya I might drive to Raleigh to join a pro-democracy gathering Saturday, she said she would like to see me but didn’t seem to understand why people planned to march. Greg understood completely but was unlikely to participate due to covid concerns.  
 
Around 4:30pm Monday I drove to the Tobaccoville Community Center to meet a new team of election workers as we set up our voting site for Tuesday.
 
Chief Judge Chris was tall and thin with a gentle and slightly high pitched voice. He reminded me of actor Matt Frewer (aka Max Headroom) though considerably younger. A certified physician assistant, Chris was intelligent and professional yet a wee bit disorganized. We both had attended training and received a booklet with detailed instructions and checklists though he didn’t refer to his until the end of the evening. He had never worked an election before yet felt comfortable volunteering to be a chief judge on perhaps the most important election day of our lives. His confidence bordered on arrogance, in my opinion, like a man refusing to use GPS directions because he’s sure he can figure out where he is going on his own. 

Betty Jo was an assistant judge with decades of previous election worker experience, most recently during the 2016 general election. As the other assistant judge I tried to make myself useful without stepping on her or Chris’ toes. Carol, Margaret, Anthony, Eddie, Joe and Michael rounded out our team. We were all white, and most were registered republican. I wondered who among them might be a democrat or unaffiliated but had no way of knowing for sure.
 
With 9 people pitching in, set up was relatively fast and painless. Some wanted to know what exactly we each would be doing the next day but Chris said we would finalize assignments in the morning, bless his heart.
 
I returned home a little before 7pm. Greg helped me prep curbside voting signs as I told him how set up had gone, mostly fine. We ate dinner together, watched tv, then went to bed early.
 
 

Saturday Oct 31: Beginning of the End

Saturday, October 31 was the final day of early voting, Halloween, and a full moon. I drove to work prepared for another day of operations without electrical power. When I noticed several lights on inside the building, my heart filled with joy and relief. Adam met me at the voting room, as excited as me to see the lights were on. While I powered on laptops and voting machines, Adam reset printers and cleared their queues. Then he gathered  battery backups, extra extension cords, generators, flash lights and lanterns to return to the BOE office down town.
 
As Lois and the other women arrived, we greeted each other warmly, giddy to have electricity again and to finally have made it to the end of our 17 day assignment. Even Mia seemed to be in a good mood. Fanetta brought fresh Krispy Kreme donuts to celebrate our last day working together.
 
At 8am sharp Priscilla cheerfully opened the front door and called out “the polls are now open!” No one was waiting but I clapped and cheered anyway. Jennifer was a no show (again) so I texted her a reminder. She overslept and arrived mid morning to join Brenda, Fanetta, Lois and me as registration assistants. Beverly wasn’t feeling well and called out sick so I asked Tammie to oversee the DS200 ballot scanner tabulator. Then I asked Mia and Tina to work curbside together, giving each other breaks as needed. We had been told to expect the last day to be busy but the first hour was dreadfully quiet. Around 9am voters slowly began to arrive. Voting activity was steady throughout the day, sometimes busy, though wait times did not exceed 15 minutes.
 
One man who had recently moved but didn’t have any ID with his new address was upset because his ballot was placed in a provisional envelope instead of scanned like the others. A woman from Guilford County was told she needed to vote there instead of Forsyth County and she understood, no problem. A man from Buncombe County took the news well too.
 
An observer who had gotten on Lois’ bad side during the first week of early voting offered amends by bringing Halloween candy. He gave individually wrapped mini chocolate bars directly to Lois, saying it was for the children who came with their parents to vote. 

Around 10am I placed an online order with Jersey Mike’s for lunch sandwiches, ordering extra to share with observers and the administrator on duty in the office. 
 
When one of our ballot printers ran out of toner, we adjusted seamlessly by pulling pre-printed paper ballots from our filing cabinets as Lois called the BOE IT team for assistance. No more toner cartridges were available, the last one had gone to Clemmons, so IT tech Clint improvised by connecting Jennifer’s laptop to our other ballot printer using the last available port on that machine. Then we moved Fanetta to my laptop (also connected to the functioning printer) while I floated around the room to relieve each worker for breaks. It was wonderful having enough workers available to fill all the positions so we could help each other and make adjustments as needed with minimal disruptions. If more workers had been available every day, the entire 17 day assignment could have been like this.
 
Around 1:30pm Tina was noticeably tired so I suggested she and Mia take a long break while I covered curbside for them. I didn’t specify how long. 30 minutes later I was still working curbside but didn’t mind because the weather was lovely and I was able to sit and relax a bit while voters marked their ballots inside their vehicles. After a full hour I stepped into the breakroom where Mia and Tina were engrossed in deep conversation. I took a deep breath to calm myself, apologized for interrupting them and asked them to please resume working. Bless their hearts.
 
At 3pm Priscilla stepped outside to announce “the polls are now closed!” As Lois and the other ladies continued assisting voters already in line, I walked downstairs to let Mia and Tina know that no new voters arriving late would be accommodated. Mia scowled at me disapprovingly. A family entered the parking lot at 3:03pm and attempted to walk upstairs to vote in person but I explained that the polls had closed at 3pm sharp and advised them to vote Tuesday. They were disappointed but not upset. An electioneer urged me to reconsider but I didn’t budge because I didn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize legally and properly cast votes.

 
Back upstairs I reviewed our last day checklist and began dividing tasks among the team: gathering left over supplies, packing up equipment, taking down signs, etc. The observers lingered until the ballots had been secured. Then one by one each worker said their goodbyes. When Howard stopped by to collect our keys and important papers, Lois and I rushed to finish up. Only when we were ready to leave at 5pm did we realize we had forgotten to lock up the filing cabinets. I texted Michelle to let her know and she replied no problem. Rudi was waiting for Lois in the parking lot, as he did every evening. I wanted to hug Lois goodbye but didn’t. Our farewell was awkward and bittersweet, at least for me.

Friday Oct 30: Letter to Mia

I drafted this letter to Mia in the wee hours between Thursday night and Friday morning, in hopes that putting my thoughts into words would be helpful and perhaps help me sleep a bit before returning to work. I considered giving the letter to Mia but did not. 

Mia,
 
Thank you for taking the time to share your perspective and insights with me Thursday. I truly wanted to give you my full attention, to listen with an open heart and mind, and to stay there as long as needed. I’m sorry that didn’t happen.
 
When we were interrupted to help curbside voters, I walked downstairs behind you because I wanted to share the responsibility with you 50/50 but you had already helped voters in both cars before I had even reached the bottom of the hill. Your speed and efficiency are impressive, as is your work ethic. I’ve never once thought you were lazy or inefficient or bad at your job in any way. My only concern as a lead has been having enough workers to cover every position on each shift, and not fully understanding your schedule or your personal circumstances.
 
When you and I worked downtown I sometimes noticed we worked different hours but I honestly did not think much about it or pass any judgments about it. I didn’t know you were a student or that you didn’t have a driver’s license. I figured your schedule and your personal life were your business, not mine, so I never asked you or discussed you with anyone else in the office.
 
When I signed up to be an election worker, I envisioned working half a day and going home. I had no idea how much work there would be to do, especially the first few days of early voting, and I had no interest whatsoever in being a lead. When Tim asked me to co-lead with Lois, it was because there were not enough experienced leads to cover all the voting sites. I would have said no if anyone else had been available and interested to fill that role.
 
Ideally I would liked to have met our team at least a day or two before early voting began so we could have gotten to know each other a bit before working together. I would liked to have given everyone their first choice work assignments, to have cross trained everyone to be able to do every task, and to have offered at least one 30 minute break to everyone every day. Of course I wanted to be a better lead than I turned out to be. For all my shortcomings and mistakes, I apologize to you and the entire team. If I could go back in time there are a lot of things I would do differently.
 
Most of all I feel bad that you and I are out of sync, and that you became our defacto curbside attendant without opportunities to rotate to other positions. Lois and I never intended for you or anyone else to be 100% responsible for curbside alone. When there have been enough workers available we’ve tried to arrange for 2 or more curbside attendants to work together and rotate breaks. When we have been short staffed sometimes curbside fell to only one person. Because you have been our strongest curbside attendant, Lois and I relied too heavily on you to carry that burden. For that I apologize to you, sincerely.
 
I also apologize for our conversation ending abruptly yesterday. I was tired after working the early shift and began to shut down emotionally when you circled back to the 19th amendment for the second time referencing how white suffragettes treated black women poorly to protect themselves and advance their own goals. Equity and fairness were my intentions, so I deeply regret that I appeared to have favored some women more than others, and that my actions contributed to your unhappiness. 
 
After the murders of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd and others, I read books to educate myself about racism, anti-racism, and implicit bias. I’ve thought of myself as an apprentice level ally to black and brown people but clearly I have a lot more to learn and practice.
 
As I mentioned to you yesterday, I honestly did not fully understand your schedule, your other responsibilities, or your transportation situation. Also, I did not know soon enough that you, Latoya and others were so unhappy at work. I wish I had been perceptive enough to realize, and wish I had reached out to each of you to calmly listen and work through the challenges of this temporary assignment.
 
Even though my words may not align with all my actions as a lead, please know that I sincerely value each and every person on our team. I’ve gotten to know the women who work early shift inside the voting room a little better than I know the women who work the later shift or who work curbside. I wish we all could have bonded and worked together more. I wish I had been a more empathetic and supportive and flexible lead rather than a task master. This was my first time working a general election. The experience overwhelmed me. You and the rest of our team deserved much better.
 
I hope the last 2 days of early voting are much better for all of us than the first 2 weeks have been. Even though I don’t know you well, I recognize that you are a hard worker, intelligent, and highly competent. Despite my failings as a lead, I trust you will continue to be politically engaged and successful in your future endeavors. I wish you the best and have only positive thoughts toward you; no hard feelings.
 
Suz

Thursday Oct 29: Powerless

As tropical storm Zeta quickly passed through our area Thursday morning, Forsyth County was hit harder than any other county in NC. Nearly half a million homes and businesses lost power throughout the state including more than 50,000 here in the Winston Salem area. We knew the storm was coming so we had time to prepare at the voting site. IT tech Clint arrived mid morning to take the canopy down before it became a hazard due to strong winds. He said generators would likely be utilized if any site lost power, and he recommended I check with the BOE office downtown to ask about emergency protocols. While I was on the phone with a BOE staff member, the deputy director sent an email to all leads with blank Authorization To Vote (ATV) forms for us to print ASAP while our equipment still worked. I quickly printed 200 thinking we wouldn’t need that many but wanting to have extra just in case.
 
Greg texted to let me know we lost power at home around 10:30am. An hour later we lost power at the voting site. No electricity meant we couldn't print anything though our laptop computers and small gadgets continued to work on battery power. The DS200 ballot tabulator also continued working for a few more hours; afterward we placed ballots in an emergency vault to be scanned later. We raised all the window blinds to let in more natural light, and we allowed voters to use their cell phone lights for extra illumination. I texted Lois to ask if she could bring flashlights when she arrived for her afternoon shift. She didn’t get the message though. Unfortunately she had spent the morning at a funeral home with her family mourning the loss of her husband’s sister.
 
I texted the deputy director to let her know our power was out but that we were ok, that voters were able to vote safely, no worries. When Lois arrived I explained our emergency plan and protocols to the ladies working 2nd shift. Then I waited in the break room for Mia.
 
Mia had asked to speak with me and I was determined to make time for her. I knew she was unhappy so I prepared myself for her to vent her frustrations without interruption. She began around 1:45pm with broad philosophical pronouncements about leadership styles and spirituality before transitioning to slavery, white people treating black people like property, and the 19th amendment -- specifically how white women historically disrespected black women in order to protect themselves and their own interests. I nodded in agreement; did not argue with her about historical facts. Mia meandered a bit but I tried to give her all the time she needed to make her points. We were interrupted about 30 minutes in when 2 curbside voters needed assistance. I had intended to walk downstairs with Mia to help but she moved much faster than me and had already spoken with both voters before I had made it half way down the steps so I returned to the break room to wait for her. I had been up since 6am without a break. My energy level and attention span were fading fast. I called Greg to let him know I would be later than expected.
 
When we finally resumed our conversation, Mia picked up where she had left off. At one point I clumsily shared with her that I recognized my white privilege and I apologized for my shortcomings as a lead. She responded that she had observed me but not judged me, which triggered me a bit because I had felt her judgment daily like pin pricks in my tender skin. She said working the early voting temporary assignment had led her to wonder what she needed to learn from the experience, and what I needed to learn from it. She also said she didn’t see race, which struck me as odd because one of her complaints about me was that I favored white workers over black workers. “I don’t see race” is something Stephen Colbert used to say in character as a conservative buffoon on his Colbert Report tv show. Hearing a 20 year old black woman say it was surreal.
 
After reading books by Ibram X. Kendi about racism and implicit bias I committed myself to become an anti-racist ally of black and brown people. I truly wanted to hear Mia with an open heart and an open mind and to be unconditionally supportive of her. Yet the more she talked, the more weary I became. When she repeated herself about the 19th amendment without adding anything new, I felt I was listening to a broken record, scratched vinyl skipping to echo the same words over and over again. This was no longer a productive conversation.
 
Suddenly I remembered having similar conversations with Reid when he was a teenager, long meandering philosophical contemplations and debates about various topics. Then a realization hit me like a pie in the face: Mia is 20 years old. She is working a 17 day temporary assignment and she is disgruntled because she perceives she has been slighted, treated unfairly compared to other workers. She has been frustrated because Lois and I asked her to work curbside. We did so because she is young and fit, able to climb the steps faster and easier than the rest of the team who are older and heavier with a variety of health issues. Mia is also upset with me specifically because I hadn't taken time to check in with her and others more, to ask people how they felt and what tasks they actually WANTED to do, and because she felt micro managed. All true. As a lead I had been frustrated with her because she had missed scheduled shifts, come in late several times, and fudged her timesheet. I had asked her to do specific tasks, given her instructions how to do those tasks, and clarified expectations like asking her to use an umbrella to keep ballots dry in the rain. I wish I could have made the job more enjoyable and less of a chore, truly. But in 2 more days early voting would end and we would go our separate ways. As much as I wished Mia and I could resolve our conflict, I was doubtful we could accomplish that feat in the next 2 days, much less 2 more hours of conversation in the break room. Sadly, my amateur attempt to be anti-racist in that moment failed.
 
The realization of my faults and failures led me to wave a metaphorical white flag of defeat. I was ready to bring the conversation to an end so I could go home and get some rest, lick my wounds in private before trying again the following day. In closing I asked Mia if she was able to work Friday and Saturday, and what hours specifically she could work. After she responded I thanked her and walked out to my car. It was 3pm.
 
I called Greg to ask if he had eaten or needed anything. The power was still out at home so he didn’t want to open the refrigerator. I offered to pick up a meal from a restaurant if he would call in an order. His favorite Japanese restaurant in Winston Salem was closed due to the power outage but our favorite Thai restaurant in King was open so I drove in that direction. Every traffic light along my route was out. Alarge tree had fallen across Tobaccoville Road blocking my route to King so I pulled over, called Greg, turned around and drove home. He used a generator to warm soup in the microwave for me. Afterward I took a nap in the bedroom.
 
Around 6:30pm he woke me up to let me know I had missed calls and texts from Lois and the BOE. Apparently my text message that we were ok was interpreted as the power had come back on so no one downtown realized we still had no power at the Mazie Woodruff campus. We were the only voting site in the county, perhaps the state, to endure a prolonged power outage. BOE leadership scrambled to help Lois and the afternoon team keep the polls open until 7:30pm. They brought flashlights and lanterns and battery backups and extra ballots and ATV forms. Disaster was averted. After speaking with the deputy director and exchanging a few texts with Lois I eventually went back to sleep but woke up a few hours later feeling anxious. To calm my nerves I wrote a letter to Mia, an attempted peace offering. Writing the letter helped me feel a little better but I doubted it would be well received by Mia so I decided not to share it with her. 
 
Friday morning we still had no power at home. I washed my face with cold water, brushed my teeth, and dressed by lantern light. Then I drove cautiously to work, grateful to see functioning traffic lights from the Reynolda-Shattalon intersection all the way to Motor Road within a few blocks of the Mazie Woodruff campus. Power was still out in the surrounding neighborhood so the security guard sat in his truck in the parking lot waiting for me to arrive, then walked with me inside the building to the voting room, our path lighted by a camping lantern I had brought from home. BOE IT lead Adam was on the other side of the building waiting for us with fresh battery packs and fully charged equipment. He quickly and expertly readied the room. The polls opened as scheduled.
 
Mid morning Adam and Tim returned with generators to power laptops and the DS200 ballot scanner tabulator. We didn’t have enough power to use the printers so we continued hand writing information on pre-printed ATV forms. Facility maintenance techs supplied a separate generator for additional lighting inside the voting room.
 
While Lois attended the funeral of her husband’s sister I worked a double shift Friday, 7am to 8pm. Operations were mostly smooth and everyone seemed to manage well, except for Mia. She refused to come inside when temperatures dropped and refused to use a flashlight for safety after sunset. She continued to help curbside voters but avoided me as much as she could. I tried to be extra nice, supportive and gentle with her but that seemed to irritate her more so I backed off to give her space to be angry with me. Those who noticed her behavior chalked it up to her being young and stubborn.
 
Nearly 200 voters were accommodated Friday. It felt good knowing we didn’t close the polls early despite the prolonged power outage. And I was inspired by the people from nearby neighborhoods coming in to vote while power was still out in their homes.
 
Greg said power had been restored at our home earlier in the day, had gone off again for a few hours, then come back on. Internet remained offline.