Friday Oct 30: Letter to Mia

I drafted this letter to Mia in the wee hours between Thursday night and Friday morning, in hopes that putting my thoughts into words would be helpful and perhaps help me sleep a bit before returning to work. I considered giving the letter to Mia but did not. 

Mia,
 
Thank you for taking the time to share your perspective and insights with me Thursday. I truly wanted to give you my full attention, to listen with an open heart and mind, and to stay there as long as needed. I’m sorry that didn’t happen.
 
When we were interrupted to help curbside voters, I walked downstairs behind you because I wanted to share the responsibility with you 50/50 but you had already helped voters in both cars before I had even reached the bottom of the hill. Your speed and efficiency are impressive, as is your work ethic. I’ve never once thought you were lazy or inefficient or bad at your job in any way. My only concern as a lead has been having enough workers to cover every position on each shift, and not fully understanding your schedule or your personal circumstances.
 
When you and I worked downtown I sometimes noticed we worked different hours but I honestly did not think much about it or pass any judgments about it. I didn’t know you were a student or that you didn’t have a driver’s license. I figured your schedule and your personal life were your business, not mine, so I never asked you or discussed you with anyone else in the office.
 
When I signed up to be an election worker, I envisioned working half a day and going home. I had no idea how much work there would be to do, especially the first few days of early voting, and I had no interest whatsoever in being a lead. When Tim asked me to co-lead with Lois, it was because there were not enough experienced leads to cover all the voting sites. I would have said no if anyone else had been available and interested to fill that role.
 
Ideally I would liked to have met our team at least a day or two before early voting began so we could have gotten to know each other a bit before working together. I would liked to have given everyone their first choice work assignments, to have cross trained everyone to be able to do every task, and to have offered at least one 30 minute break to everyone every day. Of course I wanted to be a better lead than I turned out to be. For all my shortcomings and mistakes, I apologize to you and the entire team. If I could go back in time there are a lot of things I would do differently.
 
Most of all I feel bad that you and I are out of sync, and that you became our defacto curbside attendant without opportunities to rotate to other positions. Lois and I never intended for you or anyone else to be 100% responsible for curbside alone. When there have been enough workers available we’ve tried to arrange for 2 or more curbside attendants to work together and rotate breaks. When we have been short staffed sometimes curbside fell to only one person. Because you have been our strongest curbside attendant, Lois and I relied too heavily on you to carry that burden. For that I apologize to you, sincerely.
 
I also apologize for our conversation ending abruptly yesterday. I was tired after working the early shift and began to shut down emotionally when you circled back to the 19th amendment for the second time referencing how white suffragettes treated black women poorly to protect themselves and advance their own goals. Equity and fairness were my intentions, so I deeply regret that I appeared to have favored some women more than others, and that my actions contributed to your unhappiness. 
 
After the murders of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd and others, I read books to educate myself about racism, anti-racism, and implicit bias. I’ve thought of myself as an apprentice level ally to black and brown people but clearly I have a lot more to learn and practice.
 
As I mentioned to you yesterday, I honestly did not fully understand your schedule, your other responsibilities, or your transportation situation. Also, I did not know soon enough that you, Latoya and others were so unhappy at work. I wish I had been perceptive enough to realize, and wish I had reached out to each of you to calmly listen and work through the challenges of this temporary assignment.
 
Even though my words may not align with all my actions as a lead, please know that I sincerely value each and every person on our team. I’ve gotten to know the women who work early shift inside the voting room a little better than I know the women who work the later shift or who work curbside. I wish we all could have bonded and worked together more. I wish I had been a more empathetic and supportive and flexible lead rather than a task master. This was my first time working a general election. The experience overwhelmed me. You and the rest of our team deserved much better.
 
I hope the last 2 days of early voting are much better for all of us than the first 2 weeks have been. Even though I don’t know you well, I recognize that you are a hard worker, intelligent, and highly competent. Despite my failings as a lead, I trust you will continue to be politically engaged and successful in your future endeavors. I wish you the best and have only positive thoughts toward you; no hard feelings.
 
Suz